Friday, August 10, 2007

all i know how to write about is top chef

Wow, what an episode. Weasel's comment ignited my curiosity so I went and read all the spoilers before watching the episode. Still, I couldn't have prepared myself for the rage I felt during the hour when I finally did have the chance to watch it last night.

First off, admittedly, Sara N. totally sabotaged herself, but for the judges to tell the chefs on the chopping block that one of them had the personality that's made for a competition like this (Gross Sweaty Howie) and the other not (Sara N.) was ridiculous. Someone like Harold who won Season One despite being unable to finish that first challenge where all he had to do was work a service line in Hubert Keller's kitchen but totally bombed because he was too much of a scaredy cat with rattly hands *is* built to be in a competition like this? I can not stand how the judges constantly manipulate the rules and definitions of the competition on a show to show basis. It stinks. And exactly what is lacking from Sara's personality that made her a poor contestant on this show? The ability to be an asshole? To be passive aggressive? To never want to be held accountable for ANYTHING. To not be able work well with others?

I take back what I said about Joey in my last entry. Howie is the vilest thing ever to be on this show. Please put on a headband, watching you sweat over your food episode after episode makes me want to hurl. Note only is he vile but he's also over the top self-righteous. Throwing Sara N. "over the bus" was so uncalled for. Enough with your bullshit attitude! I'm so sick of hearing you talk like you have 15 Jell-O shots in your mouth. Judges, the fact that you guys continue to keep him here is cause for dismissal for each and every one of you. You're all fired! Even you Ted Allen, who I love.

Poor Sara, she really did just want to go dancing. But how stupid was the cast as a whole to think they were really going to go dancing?

More thoughts:
Hung: He really doesn't get it, does he? Tempura flakes in ice cream for texture? But won't the melty ice cream make the flakes all mushy? I did like how excited he was to go dance.
Dale: Definitely in my top three now. I loved his little dance with Sara in the beginning. Also, his little dinner date with Govind Armstrong made me crack up.
CJ: Now I think I definitely want you to win. I loved that he called Brian Malarkey the most annoying person int he world. He's able to snark without coming across like a big asshole.
Brian: The idea to do a raw bar and prep it outside was genius. Less cooks in the small space. I tip my hat.
Casey: During the judge's table, to me at least, it felt like she was maybe calling out Sara N re: the slow pace of slider making. As dumb as it was, I did love that she put Sriracha in her ice cream.
Sara M.: Was she even in this episode? I hate when they do this.
Tre: Good to see him loosen up. Jeeze! As good as his dish looked, I don't know about the concept of it as a late night snack from a cart. I want something I can hold in one hand, not something I need a fork to eat with. Wrap those grits around the shrimp and deep fry that sucker!
Howie: Go away. How embarrassing for you, Mr. Food Gang, to have all this experience in and with Miami and still not be able to make a decent Cubano. Also, like we're supposed to believe bouncers ever let you into clubs? I don't think so.
Sara N.: Sad to see her go even though she shocked me by lasting this long. I wish she could have articulated herself to Howie a little better. Maybe she did but it was edited out?


Thursday, August 02, 2007

and we're back!

I need to share my feelings regarding Top Chef with you dear blog because no one else cares. Last night that fuckhead, Joey from New York, was eliminated and I couldn't have been more delighted. That guys is a serious, wait for it, douche-bag. Actually I might have been happier if Howie got eliminated since not only is he a DB, but appears to be rather misogynistic as well. Joey just seems like he's never kissed a girl except for his cousin Carmella.

Joey from New York gave New Yorkers such a bad name. I hated how everything was "this is how we do it in New York" or "I'd like to see him do that in New York." It got really tedious, as did the ginormous mole on the side of his neck. Around the 3rd or 4th episode I finally noticed what a huge body Joey has. His head is really big, but I wasn't expecting him to be such a stubby-legged blimp.

I laughed when he started crying like a big baby during his exit interview. But then I felt a little bad for him. That went away after I read this on Grub Street today. Hung is by no means my favorite, but Joey should never use "mature" in reference to himself, just like that fat fuck Howie should never use "academic."

Some additional thoughts:
Brian M. - Oh god, this guy is so annoying. And everything has to be so BIG, which I can't stand. Something about his accent bugs me, it just sounds contrived, like Natalie Merchant or Madonna. And he looks like that guy from that annoying band Blink 182.
Casey - With Lia gone now, I can see her being the last female standing. Getting farfalle in the quickfire was a total joke though.
CJ - I like him and can see him being a sleeper Top 3 pending any disaster.
Dale - I didn't like him at first but now I'm warming up to him. Could be another sleeper for the Top 3.
Howie - Please can we never have to see his Uncle Fester face ever again? He should have been kicked off either of the first two weeks and I have no idea why he wasn't.
Hung - How appropriate was it that his hubris got in the way of showcasing his self-proclaimed exceptional palate. I can't believe he chose to say what the celery seed was without even tasting it. Still, I kind of like him - he just needs a huge smack upside the head.
Sara M. - Surprised at all the hatin' on her this last episode. I'm so glad she barked back at dumb Howie.
Sara N. - I'm kind of shocked but glad she is still here. Her kitchen manner seems impeccable.
Tre - Dude needs to loosen up big time. A little too serious for my tastes. And that tattoo is too much. But clearly seems to be one of the more talented chefs of the group.