Thursday, February 16, 2006

things you're not quite sure how to tell a stranger #2 and #3

#2 stop air guitaring to your ipod as you stand in front of me on the subway. seriously, stop.
#3 did you mean to wear those flip flops in this weather?

the girl that i directed thought #3 at was an odd bird. she was standing next to my seat on the subway. i noticed she was reading persepolis first and then i saw the flip flops on her feet. this was two days ago, when it was still cold, when the snow had just started to melt and there were grey slush puddles everywhere. apparantly, the group of young men sharing the train car with us wondered along with me, laughing and talking about it to each other, but loud enough for the girl to hear.

at this point she was sitting next to me. suddenly, she leaps up and goes to check the map. as she did, she took off her reading glasses with such panache and so one of the arms (is that what they are called? i have no idea, i've never worn glasses) flew onto me. i had seen earlier it was held together with masking tape. what the fuck? i already know way too much about this freak! was she not aware they sell those mini glass fixit kits at every single checkout line in the world? anyway, i realize this plastic arm is now on me and she's gone before i have any time to react. so i gently place the arm on the vacant seat next to me. one of the young men sees the empty seat and plops down. but then armless glass girl comes back to take reclaim her seat. but since young man is sitting in it, she sits two seats away from me now. she goes to put on her glasses to pick up her place in persepolis and it's then she realizes an arm is missing! girl goes into crazy whirlwind mode, leaping from the seat, back to where the map is, looking up and down, arms flailing, flip flops flying.

now at this point, i could have been a good samaritan and said, hey lady, i know where what you're looking for is, but that would be admitting to knowing way more than i really should have. this is what happens to me all the time. i always notice things i totally shouldn't be and it always comes to bite me in the ass and but me in unusual situations. also the flip flops thing was really bothering me and so i decide to shut my mouth. anyway, as i'm resigning myself to a bout of bad karma, she comes back to where we're all sitting and asks young man to get up and there's the missing piece. everybody's happy. young man's friends are ribbing on him and i breathe a sigh of relief. and then it's my stop.

5 Comments:

Blogger Listmaker said...

wow, was that woman that crazy person that haunted us at the gate awhile ago?

also, there is nothing worse than being trapped next to someone at the gym on the ellipitcals doing her airguitaring and dancing.

February 16, 2006 10:51 PM  
Blogger planbreaker said...

Did you read the totally annoying article in the Times yesterday about how women are wearing warm-weather fashions in the winter like flimsy dresses? Flip-flops make a brief appearance:

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/02/16/fashion/thursdaystyles/16SPRING.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

oh, these fashion girls are so crazy!

February 17, 2006 9:46 AM  
Blogger youthlarge said...

one thing i forgot to mention is that this girl had the largest big toe i have ever seen. it was like a light bulb next to a bunch of edamames.

February 17, 2006 3:13 PM  
Blogger weasel said...

Some people around me might have flip flops on under their moon boots. They might also have broken arms on their glasses but I can't tell, as all I can see are pairs of eyes poking out of frost-rimed parka hoods. What I mistook for air guitar when I first moved here has turned out to be the frantic flailing of people trying to scratch an itch through 8 layers of clothing.

What's a subway?

February 17, 2006 7:57 PM  
Blogger youthlarge said...

oh this guy was definitely air guitaring. incidentally, he wore his guitar very low. at least he wasn't air bassing.

February 20, 2006 12:04 PM  

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